My story

I was asked about the reason of therapy; I hesitated for a moment and summarized that I had relationship problems; nothing farther from the truth. Of course I was having marital problems, but the reason for them comes from early in my life. Come to think of it, it is almost the same with everybody, those early years… the culprit!

I was born the last of three children (before my youngest brother was born when I was 20) and the only girl, we are only one year apart and I was my father’s favorite; I paid for that dearly with my oldest brother’s hatred, my middle brother’s indifference and my Mother’s obsession to make it up to them.

My parents had a good marriage and tried to do the best that they could; needless to say they did not see what was happening, and still today; when I talk to my Mother about it, she breaks up in tears and repeats over and over again what a good Mother she was or tried to be at least. My father was beyond strict and would not allow me to attend dances when I was a teenager, much less have a boyfriend, all this with my Mother’s full support. I got pregnant when I was 20 and got married right away, I could not wait to get out of the house to start a new and wonderful life.

My husband and I were just a couple of kids playing house and before 3 years passed he was having an affair with a family friend, the story there is rather entertaining but I will not go into it today. We got divorced after 4 years of marriage and I was left with one baby and no income; I decided not to go back to my parents “defeated” as I saw it back then, and decided to prove to the world (my parents mainly) that I could make it on my own. I looked for a job and enrolled at University to get my BA. A family friend first and my mother after helped me to take care of Vicky, she was a great baby and made it easy, I would take her to school sometimes and she became kind of the school “pet”. We had a non traditional mother-daughter relationship due to my lack of maturity, so we saw each other like friends/sisters, it seemed cool then, but it was not the most constructive way to educate her.

With work, school and Vicky, I did not have time for a committed relationship so I only had casual and short-lived relationships, “saw” my ex-husband every now and then (sick really) and graduated. As soon as a finished school, actually before I got my degree, I met my current husband; we fell in love and could not wait to get married. This time I was not expecting the happy ever after, I have evolved a lot but still carry many of the problems from before, which is the reason for therapy now! Sometimes I feel sorry for my husband to have to deal with problems created before his time, and then I remember… I am doing the very same thing for him, we all have a past.